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Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Dude Flix

Guys love movies. It’s who we are. It’s how we roll. We love to talk about movies and quote them. There are easily 100 movies that every guy should see before he dies, but there are some movies that we should know backwards and forward, inside and out.

These movies are encoded in our DNA and we should be able to quote them and discuss them at length during halftime of the game on Sunday. With that in mind, here are 15 flicks (in no particular order) every guy should know.

Top Gun — Fast planes, hot chicks and a guy named Maverick. After seeing this movie, you know you wanted to hop in an F-14 and blow away a mig.

BEST LINE: And if you screw up just this much, you'll be flying a cargo plane full of rubber dog out of Hong Kong!

The Godfather — The ultimate Mafia movie and a guide to how to be an honorable man. Every other mob movie wants to be this one.

BEST LINE: I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse.

The Big Lebowski— Admit it. You wish you were the Dude. You want to lounge around in your pajamas all day and bowl with your crazy friends at night. Don’t forget to stop at In-N-Out in North Hollywood for a burger.

BEST LINE: Look, let me explain something to you. I'm not Mr. Lebowski. You're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. That or His Dudeness... Duder... or El Duderino, if, you know, you're not into the whole brevity thing.

The Last Boy Scout — Murderers, dancers, football, crooked politicians, Bruce Willis and Daymon Wayans. This film pretty much has it all.

BEST LINE: Bad guy: You think you are so cool, don't you? You think you are so cool. But just once, I would like to hear you scream in pain... Bruce: Play some rap music.

The Hangover — Bachelor parties will never be the same after this 2009 flick. It’s as true a guy movie, as you will ever see. Possibly the funniest one too.

BEST LINE: Remember, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Except for herpes. That 'll come back with you.

Die Hard — It’s Christmas Eve and Bruce Willis is running around barefoot on broken glass as he swings through a window on a fire hose. Need I say more?

BEST LINE: Yippee-ki-yay, mother!

Ocean's Eleven — Both versions are awesome, but I’m putting the Clooney re-make on the list. Robbing three Vegas casinos simultaneously is a great concept and you can’t go wrong with this cast.

BEST LINE: Ten oughta do it, don't you think? You think we need one more? You think we need one more. All right, we'll get one more.

Clerks — Shot in a convenience store, it’s a day full of hockey on the roof, movie talk and annoying customers. There are so many great lines; it’s hard to choose.

BEST LINE: "Empire" had the better ending. I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader's his father, Han gets frozen and taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. I mean, that's what life is, a series of down endings. All "Jedi" had was a bunch of Muppets.

Porky's — One of the original high school sex comedies and one that should be required watching for every guy about to graduate.

BEST LINE: This has gotta be the biggest beaver shoot in the history of Florida.

American Pie — A turn of the century version of Porky’s that taught us an alternative use for apple pie. All these guys wanted were to lose their virginity before college. Is that so wrong?

BEST LINE: I never did it with baked goods, but you know your uncle Mort, he pets the one-eyed snake 5-6 times a day.

Ferris Bueller's Day Off — If you grew up in the 80’s, this movie probably shaped the way you went to school. Ferris made calling in sick an art form.

BEST LINE: Oh, he's very popular Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, dickheads - they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude.

Bad Boys (I & II) — Great action, funny dialogue and some nice looking ladies. This is how guys should hang out with their best friends!

BEST LINE: We ride together, we die together. Bad boys for life.

Superbad — Teenagers wanting to score with chicks is a popular theme, but when you have a character named McLovin, it has to be good. Right?

BEST LINE: You just -blocked McLovin!

Pulp Fiction — Quentin Tarentino’s classic tale of a boxer, gangster’s wife, two hitmen and diner bandits. It may not make sense at first, but it’s as good a movie as you will ever find. Pretty much anything with Samuel L. Jackson, Bruce Willis or John Travolta is good. Put them all in the same flick? Forget about it…

BEST LINE: I'm sorry; did I break your concentration? I didn't mean to do that. Please, continue, you were saying something about best intentions. What's the matter? Oh, you were finished! Well, allow me to retort. What does Marsellus Wallace look like?

Fight Club — After seeing this movie you wanted to go out and beat the snot out of someone. Anyone. You know you did.

BEST LINE: I want you to hit me as hard as you can.

If you don’t know these movies inside out, grab a six-pack, a pizza and your remote. Take a break from the tough side of being a guy and do your man-homework.

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